Parody of Love
by TheBlueFoxtrot A Samba
Summary: A fictitious parody of the non-existent 'burning' love of Zuko/Katara for the sole purpose of making you laugh or at least amuse and distract


This fic is brought to you by Procrastinators Inc©

Avatar is far too epic to be owned by one being. That's why it's owned by two, Mike and Bryan. I am neither of those dudes.

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"Hello! Zuko here, son of Ursa and Fire Lord Ozai. Uh, yeah. I'm the antagonist of Avatar the Last Airbender throughout the first and second season, but not so much in the third when I switched sides. You see, all of my tragic past experiences, inability to shut up and sit down, and struggle to find honor and what it truly means has made me what I am today. A man who is in love with Katara.

I mean, she's amazing! Who wouldn't love her, right? The Avatar is in love with her for crying out loud! Although, he's just a kid. He doesn't understand what true love and sacrifice is. It's just a crush and he'll totally get over it. It's destiny, something he'd never understand. We're water and fire; she's the yin to my yang. It's like we're opposites but so alike it's _crazy._

Plus, I got that angsty, wounded, _scarred_ bad boy/ secret good guy with a rockin' bod and socially awkward tendencies thing going on. I am, in a word, hot. You better ask somebody.

It's just obvious that Katara and I are meant to be. I knew it from the moment I tied her up to that tree that time with the pirates. Every time after that, I couldn't stop thinking about her. She's the reason I was able to track the Avatar so well; she was my driving force. Seeing her beautiful face again spurred me on. Each time we faced each other in combat, all those times she nearly killed me, I fell just a little more in love with her even though I didn't realize it at the time.

When we were at the oasis at the North Pole, it was her I wanted to tie up and drag into the blizzard with me. At the time, I still thought I needed my honor. I was such a fool to not realize it. All I needed was her love. After her and her brother came and found me with the Avatar, I couldn't help but think how beautiful she was. Then she bent the snow beneath me up into the air and back onto the ground and literally took my breath away. When I woke up, I was on the back of their bison. I'm sure that she was the one who talked the others into bringing me. If it wasn't for her, I'd be dead.

I couldn't stand to face her again, not after being so weak, and so I fled with my uncle back to the Earth Kingdom. I didn't see her for some time and took my anger out on my uncle. I was wrong. He didn't deserve that just because I was unable to fulfill my fantasies with my water tribe maiden. As a result when we were on the run from Azula, we ended up splitting up though he kept following me anyway.

I saw her again in the deserted town after Azula struck Uncle. In my pain and distress, I lashed out at her and yelled at her to leave. Later, I noticed that she'd had dark circles under her eyes as if she hadn't been sleeping. I felt guilty afterwards. She must have been staying up at night thinking about me as much as I thought of her.

The last time I saw her in the Earth Kingdom was in Bah Sing Se in the catacombs. At first, she'd yelled at me, didn't want anything to do with me. Then we started talking about what we'd lost in this war. I told her about my mother and she hers. We comforted each other. I actually let her touch my scar. I _never _let anyone touch my scar. Just as we were about to kiss, something I'd dreamed about, my first kiss with Katara (Jin didn't count), who shows up but the Avatar! The nerve of that guy! Then he takes her away and Azula comes down and starts talking and does this Jedi mind trick on me that makes me forget about my _burning_ love for Katara and attack her and the Avatar and almost kill him. She left then, Katara. She took the Avatar and left.

I was left alone without her; Uncle had sided with the Avatar and was arrested. I'd helped my sister take Bah Sing Se but at the price of my one true love. In my distress, I turned to Mai to help me deal with everything. How my life was changing back to what it was. To what I'd perceived as my destiny. Throughout everything that happened while I was back in the Fire Nation, Mai was there. The entire time, I couldn't relax, couldn't be happy. Because Mai wasn't Katara. She didn't have her exotic looks, or bending abilities, or have anything to do with water. Every time I kissed her and touched her, I'd pretend her soft skin was Katara's, that there were soft curls in my hand instead of her smooth, straight tresses. I didn't love her. I couldn't. I still loved Katara and could only pray to Agni that her love for me was still there.

In my letter to Mai and my words to Ozai, I told them I was going to help the Avatar restore balance to the world. In doing that, I'd not only restore my honor but that of the Fire Nation's itself. That was something it lost as soon as this war started. There was another reason though. Katara.

I found them at the Western Air Temple. Katara was the first to reject me and the first to attack. I couldn't blame her. How I must have hurt her at Bah Sing Se when I betrayed her. I knew then that I lost her love. That's why I behaved so recklessly with the assassin. I hoped he'd kill me. Somehow, my dumb luck I guess, I managed to survive. I said something, I don't really remember what, to the Avatar that changed his mind about me. With his consent, the others allowed it, even Katara if a bit grudgingly. Afterwards when I was settling into my room, she came and threatened to kill me if I tried to hurt Aang. I understood what she meant; I wasn't stupid. She meant if I ever hurt her again, I was dead to her.

I vowed that would never happen again.

In the next weeks, I trained the Avatar and tried to stay in Katara's good graces. She still hadn't forgiven me yet. She was always so mean to me and making fun of me. But girls did that when they liked someone, right? So maybe I still had a chance.

I went on a fun-filled trip with the Avatar to get my bending back. Surprisingly, she didn't object as much as I thought and only threatened me once not to hurt Aang. Message received: Come back safe. All went well. I got my bending back stronger than ever and can now move forward with firebending training with Aang. I think this pleased her.

The next trip, I helped Sokka rescue his dad and girlfriend from Boiling Rock. I thought this would make Katara happy since it's her dad too, and he never hurt her so she'd probably be glad and really appreciative to see him again. Things got a little out of hand when Mai, Ty Lee, and Azula showed up. Azula figured out that we were trying to escape. While Sokka dealt with her, Mai confronted me. She didn't throw anything at me but the letter I left her. I was disappointed. Katara would have been pissed and shown it, I mean really shown it. Instead, Mai just talked at me and glared. She's just so _dull._ Like the little china doll her mother made her into. I finally saw my chance to escape and I took it, locking Mai inside the cell with the 'guard'. With one last look full of regret that I chose her and the Fire Nation over my love, I ran. I ran back to Katara.

Everything was going fine until Azula and Ty Lee started attacking us on the gondola. It was still okay until Mai's uncle opened his big, crazy mouth and told his men to _cut the line _that was the only thing hold us above a _pool of magma._ As my sister and her friend caught a ride on the other gondola, something crazy happened. Mai came out of nowhere and started attacking the guards and set us free in the process.

I have no idea what that was about. Obviously, she's crazier than my sister.

We ended up getting away and making it back to base. Katara looked so happy to see father. She even sent me a grateful look. I ducked my head and went to bed, dreaming of her.

The next trip is the one that changed everything for us. I helped Katara track down the man that killed her mother. In the end, she didn't do it. It was so noble of her.

After that, Azula attacked and the days seemed to fly by to the Day of the Comet. One day that sticks out is the time we went to go see that Agni-forsaken play! It showcased all of my faults that I'd hoped Katara had forgotten about right in front of use. And my scar was on the wrong side of my face! I don't want to talk about it.

Hours before we were to attack, Aang disappeared. We looked all over for him, but couldn't find him even after we went to Jun the bounty hunter for help. Instead, we had her take us to Uncle. I told him I was sorry for what I'd done to him. I didn't think he would but he forgave me. I marveled at how quickly he forgave me compared to Katara. After our reunion, we worked out a plan. Suki, Sokka and Toph would stop the invasion fleet. Uncle and his League of Awesome Old Men, I mean Society of the White Lotus would take back Bah Sing Se. That left me and Katara –together- to face my sister.

We arrived just in time to stop her coronation. After that it was on. We traded fire, dodged, blocked, neither making a direct hit. I was so caught up in the power from the comet, I barely remembered Katara was there. Crazy, right? That is, until Azula's lightning went wide and I had to jump in front of it to keep it from hitting my true love. I wasn't able to redirect it all. The pain I felt, I imagined, was what I put Katara through when I betrayed her at the crossroads of my destiny. The tears I shed then were not for me, but what I put her through. I could hear Azula's insane laughter and the rush of fire as she attacked Katara. I wanted to help her, to save her, but my body wouldn't do as I told. For a moment, there was silence and blissful painless darkness. When I came back, Katara was over me, touching my wound and healing it with her bending. She helped me sit up and it was then that I heard screaming. It was Azula, her body chained, her mind shattered. I didn't know what to do. It was…disturbing. We stared at each other for long moment.

She turned away first. I couldn't.

In the end, Aang defeated my – defeated Ozai without killing him; the fleet was stopped; Azula was sent somewhere she couldn't hurt anyone and get help.

The world was on its way to peace at last. I was going to help bring it about with the help, I hoped, of my future Fire Lady at my side. I was walking through the halls against the orders of the doctors to speak with Katara. I had to make it quick before they found me and dragged me back to bed because it wouldn't do for me to pass out during my coronation. In my haste, I neglected to put a shirt on. When I found her, she wasn't alone. She was with Aang. They were talking, speaking low that I could barely hear, but just enough.

He told her he loved her. In that moment I pitied him. He didn't know about us, Katara and I. He was just setting himself up for heart break. Poor kid. Then she said four words that turned my world upside down…again.

"I. Love. You. Too."

It couldn't possibly be true. I tried to shake the horror of her words from my mind but couldn't. I stumbled back to my room where I collapsed onto the bed, jostling my injury and shooting pain across my chest. Good. It felt better than the whole that was just ripped in my heart. This was my own fault, I knew. If I had made better decisions…If only. Now, she was probably going to marry him and having a bunch of bald-headed, tattooed, blue eyed babies!

Eventually, I pulled myself out of the bed and decided I might as well go ahead and get ready for the coronation. As I tried to pull on the first robe, I stretched something I shouldn't have which sent a stronger wave of pain throughout my whole body. That…was a whole lot more pain that the hole. A voice spoke from the door, asking if I needed help. I knew it wasn't, but I hopefully turned and who do I see, but Mai. That girl is persistent. I asked her what she was doing here. She walked over and replied something about her uncle pulling a favor and the fact that her boyfriend was the Fire Lord didn't hurt either.

Well, that was nice of him. Wait. What? I'm the Fire Lord! I broke up with you for Katara, hello! But she's with Aang now. Which leaves me alone. I don't think I like being alone. Plus, Mai adores me anyway. Thinking fast, I say something smooth, as usual, to get the girl. We hug and then she pulls back and tells me to never. Break up with her. Again. I smile nervously, pretty sure that if I do, she will definitely not be dull about it. So I stuck with Mai for fear of my life and because Aang stole Katara from me. I'm sure it's just a phase though. He'll probably grow out of his crush and dump her and she'll fly to my comforting arms. Or hey, maybe he'll die. Then she'll come to my comforting arms. Or Mai will dump me or die and then Katara will comfort me and our love will be rekindled. It shall rise like the Phoenix from its ashes to burn brightly in the sky. A love and burning passion that will burn to rival the light of Agni himself!

I mean, it's possible. Right?

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A/N: *laughs uncontrollably* OH have mercy! I kill me! *wipes tear* hehe. Well, I thought this little parody was funny. Did you? Did you not? If so, why? *snorts and starts laughing again* I'm okay…No I'm not *there she goes again* It's a good thing I'm sittin' on the floor already. And *sigh* hehe…

Honestly, I don't like Kuko. I prefer the canon ships except for Suki/Sokka. I lean more towards Toph/Sokka, but I don't really care either way^.^ This was just born out of overactive brain matter and procrastination.

If you hated it, I'm sorry you just wasted what, 7 minutes of your very important life. This is mostly just for my enjoyment. If you liked it, well then. Wassup, my brother and/or sister from another mother and father?

All feedback is appreciated and responded to. Unless, you don't have an account which makes it kinda impossible.


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